In ancient times, Zen masters used to observe the behavior of people in the villages they visited from time to time. They observed that there were three very common behaviors that generated suffering, resentment, problems and negativity in general.
Incredibly, on the other side of the world, the Roman Stoics drew basically the same conclusions by studying Roman society, demonstrating that man has a common denominator that is above and beyond culture and specific traditions.
Marcus Aurelius, for example, wrote:
Far more serious are the effects produced in us by anger and grief, with which we react to things, than those produced by the things themselves, for which we are furious or grieving
What are these three harmful behaviors?
Zen rules to live well in any situation
Although there are many behaviors that can change the personal balance of happiness of each person. Here are the three most important ones.
Do not respond when you are angry
Zen masters first pointed out that nothing good comes from anger. And everything you do when you are angry produces suffering in yourself and in the people you love.
Of course, taking it out on someone else gives you a sense of pleasure. But how long does it last? A few seconds, a minute at most. And then what happens? Then comes the guilt and the realization that your anger has served no purpose except to make things worse. You feel an emptiness expanding inside you.
Observing how many arguments and even dramas arose from people’s inability to control their anger, Zen masters formulated a first principle to follow: never respond when you are angry.
Don’t make promises when you are happy
Zen masters also realized that when people are happy they are not content. Instead of fully enjoying the moment and rejoicing with gratitude for something good that is happening to them, they immediately think about the future.
No matter how much they care about the goal they have achieved, their mind is already set on the next one. This is even more true in today’s Western society than in the ancient Chinese or Roman society of the Stoics.
It is a behavior that, although widespread, is very problematic.
Firstly, because every time we move away from the present moment, we stop living life and lock ourselves into a fantasy world created by our mind.
Secondly, because projecting the mind into the future leads us to make promises we cannot keep.
Zen masters saw that happy people tended to raise the bar higher and higher. They wanted more, more and more. And so they went out of their way to make promises to everyone (from their wives to their children to themselves) to make their ambitions more real.
By focusing so obsessively on tomorrow’s happiness, they stopped being happy today. An absurdity from a Zen point of view, since the future does not exist: it is only a projection, often illusory, of something that has not happened and may never happen.
Everything that exists, exists here and now. The remedy for this waste of happiness, time and energy? Don’t make promises when you are happy. Just enjoy the moment.
Don’t make decisions when you are sad
Finally, they realized a common characteristic of sad people: surrender. Instead of fighting their way out of a depressing situation, many people prefer to run away.
This behavior is also very common today. There is no longer a desire to repair, fix or save anything. From objects to personal relationships, the tendency is to consume, throw away and divert attention elsewhere.
Especially when one is sad, the decision to change everything is too easily made. In this way, problems are not solved, but accumulate out of sight. The goal is not to find a solution, but to escape.
Sad people make bad decisions precisely because they are unable to accept their state of mind. Too often we want to alter everything because we don’t want to take responsibility for trying to repair the situation. What we are looking for is not somewhere else, it is already here.
Zen rules for finding the right state of mind
When we are angry, excited or sad, we should do nothing. You may ask yourself, “But then, what is the right way to act? Should I become an apathetic individual who feels no emotion?”
Not at all. And I would like to make it clear that no one, not even a Zen master, can never be angry or never be sad. We all have negative thoughts and reactions, and the real goal is to prevent them from taking over our lives.
The truth is that there is no one right way. Every situation requires a different reaction. However, there is one correct state of mind. It is that of inner serenity.
We should only respond, make promises and decisions when we are calm, clear, balanced and aware. That is, when we are at peace with ourselves, with others and with the Universe.
This wonderful state of mind is achieved with practice: when you are agitated, you stop and breathe deeply until you calm down. If someone provokes you, if you are depressed or if a situation excites you, walk away for a while, take some time to let everything flow and then come back and make a decision.
