Stop judging yourself too harshly, avoid being a perfectionist, forgive yourself by always being kind to yourself… and kiss yourself three times in the mirror
We are all awkward beginners. Know that difficulties only exist at the beginning and that they are a necessary price to pay in order to increase your self-confidence and self-assurance.
I’ll try to explain it quickly with a few simple examples:
Want to be a writer? Simple: read and write a lot, never stop, and you will see that at some point you will be able to write exciting stories.
Do you want to become a good speaker? Simple: you have to speak often in public, practice a lot your oral expression. The first few times it will be very difficult, but little by little, if you persevere, you will become familiar with the microphone and you will start to enjoy it. There are no shortcuts.
Eliminate self-sabotaging thoughts
Whatever it is you want to do, you have to exercise a lot, you have to train – read habituate – your brain, which works exactly like a muscle and becomes more powerful and performing with each exposure. You have to train your mind so that you can become more skilled and more capable in everything you do.
Therefore, it is not possible to rush! The unconscious mind will not leave you until you learn well. The unconscious blocks you and scares you every time you do something for the first time.
Simply put, it has been shown that it takes about 66 days to acquire a new habit, i.e. automaticity, and about 10,000 hours of deliberate and continuous practice to excel in any field.
So if you feel stuck at any point it’s because… you’re inexperienced! You’re just inexperienced and that’s why you feel insecure and negative thoughts are going around in your mind.
We are the worst judges of ourselves
That’s why you feel fear and anxiety and have self-limiting and sabotaging thoughts. Your unconscious mind wants to prevent you from making a bad impression, that’s why it blocks you at first! And if you are stubborn and act without having acquired the proper awareness you put it under pressure and face self-sabotage and frustration.
You must always be kind and cooperative with your unconscious, which means then with yourself, and forgive yourself when you do not succeed in your intentions so as not to make things worse. The horse is easier to tame with gentle ways than with force. You have to be patient, take small steps at first and forgive yourself every time you make a mistake. Forget about calling yourself names and getting angry with yourself.
We are always the worst judges of ourselves, but that is completely wrong.
At the beginning of every process, of every job, of every relationship, of everything, you have to proceed slowly, humbly and calmly, knowing from the beginning that it will be difficult, that you will make many mistakes and that you will often feel down. And you will immediately think, wrongly, that this work is not for you.
But if you don’t throw yourself into it, making mistakes and making a fool of yourself, you will never get ahead! Your self-esteem will always be low and you will have the syndrome of infantile neurosis.
Only if you get out of your comfort zone (which is actually your self-pity zone) and gain experience, your self-confidence will grow and you will become a self-confident, autonomous and independent adult.
We have no shortcuts to success in this life.
Simply put, you have to train the brain (or rather the three brains) to become more and more efficient by forming new neurological circuits that are a kind of highway for neurotransmitters. (The nervous system uses these chemicals – neuropeptides – to regulate or direct vital mechanisms such as heartbeat, digestion, breathing, sleep and everything else).
Keep in mind that firefighters and bomb disposal experts, despite doing very dangerous jobs, are not stopped by fear precisely because they have trained for a long time and always know what to do at all times.
There are no shortcuts to success in life. One must train the mind and never stop growing, otherwise degrowth begins immediately, i.e. the gradual dismantling of the neurological circuits.
This is exactly what usually happens to people who retire without having a hobby or something exciting to do. Many of the problems we have in our minds are not real, they are false problems: we pretend to go through the stages of life without knowing or learning anything!
In conclusion, to eliminate your negative and self-sabotaging thoughts you have to stop judging yourself too harshly, avoid being too much of a perfectionist, learn to recognize small progress and celebrate it with enthusiasm, replace thoughts or ideas that hurt you with those that make you feel good, and always be kind to yourself.
In any case, when you feel bad, kiss the person… you see in front of you in the mirror three times.
