Is it hard to forgive? Very difficult. Especially in one case: when the other person has not apologized and has no intention of doing so. They’ve made an obvious mistake, there’s not much to discuss. The truth is there for all to see. However, for one reason or another, that apology has not come.
In a situation like this, it seems impossible to forgive. Have we been wronged, betrayed, wronged, or simply disrespected, and we should forgive?
Why should we? It would make us look weak, it would make us feel like fools who let ourselves be trampled on with disarming ease. It would be humiliating.
Everyone has had these thoughts in their head, because everyone has been deeply disappointed by someone at least once in their life.
I, for example, was for a long time a touchy and proud person, unable to forgive.
Then I realized something that changed my life forever: beyond a certain limit, forgiveness is not about others. It is about ourselves.
The Ego Trap: Unforgiveness and Suffering
What happens if we decide not to forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness or who has done so without repentance? What happens is that our ego tells us a little story: not forgiving means that we hold the person who made us suffer in our hands.
The ego leads us to fantasize about the day when that person will beg to be forgiven. We imagine that moment with our mouths watering, we long for it as if there were nothing more precious in the world.
Overly emotional, we end up believing that not forgiving is our revenge against those who have hurt us. Until we forgive, we are in control. We are the “right” ones.
The first illusion: Learning to forgive
Too bad it doesn’t work that way. This view is just a distorted view, the reality is completely different. The sooner we understand this, the sooner we will stop deluding ourselves and stop suffering.
The first reason why this way of reasoning is illusory is that often the other person does not care about us and our forgiveness. If someone doesn’t even deign to apologize to you, what can they care if you forgive them?
To live waiting for the day when you will receive that apology is to waste years imagining a moment that will never come.
When the ego lives on illusions and hates reality.
The second reason is that it is never the other person who suffers if we do not forgive. The only ones who suffer are us. We spend our days with anger, sadness, victimhood and frustration. And we constantly tell ourselves: I do not forgive. I do not forgive, I do not forgive, I do not forgive.
It is like a mantra for us, arising directly from the wounds of our ego. That is, it arises when we do not contemplate the reality of life but only fantasies, resentment and victimhood.
To have this attitude is to stop living. Others move on and we stay still, unable to enjoy all that life has in store for us.
How to learn to forgive
Yes, you must learn to forgive. Not necessarily because the other person deserves it, but because you deserve to heal and move on.
It’s very simple: all you need is a pen and a piece of paper. On one side you write the names of the people you want to ask for forgiveness. And you commit to do it, from the first to the last. This is how you learn to forgive yourself.
On the other side, you write the names of the people you want to forgive. And you commit to do it, even if they didn’t ask you to do it. In this way, you forgive and give yourself the opportunity to move on.
This simple gesture serves to close a painful chapter. It helps you to be born again and to find the coordinates of your happiness. Because only when you let go of the enormous weight you are carrying can you finally take off.
Do not be afraid to forgive. You don’t do it for others, you do it for yourself. This simple, but very difficult gesture, eliminates the suffering caused by your ego. It is the first step towards your new life.
